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My love-hate relationship continues with the MTA. I doubt it will ever end. One of these days I may write about the wonderful parts of NYC public transport, but alas, why focus on that now when there is so much that could be improved. Here are some of my “great” thoughts for improvements:

1. Purell. Everywhere. Just install sprinklers to shower me in Purell as I exit the subway. In the summer this will be extremely refreshing–an added bonus.

2. Lights off at night so I can peacefully sleep on my way home on late nights. But I’m sure all the creeps would really like this, too. Nix that and give me a sleeping mask when I buy my monthly metrocard.

3. A soft surface somewhere so every time my head slams into a window or side of the car I don’t fear for brain damage (or get bruises on my hips walking through the turnstiles).

4. Complimentary crayons and paper. What can I say? When I’m stuck on a stopped train sometimes I just want to color. (And if you aren’t going to use train fare to improve trains, you can afford some crayons.)

5. Power outlets. Seriously, everyone has a phone they probably need to charge. 2013 (almost 2014!), people.

6. A ban on screaming children on trains. Nobody needs that at any time of day and glaring at them doesn’t seem to help for some reason. (Sorry, not sorry?)

7. Station bathrooms that don’t close in crucial hours of the night (aka the only time to ever consider actually using one). Really, you’re forcing me to beg you to unlock it or have an accident that you’ll have to clean up.

8. Creepy animated hands covering the doors to push people away from the doors when they refuse to move and make room for others (1946 La Belle et la Bete, anyone?).

9. Train conductors or recordings using voices of famous people like the GPS voices to announce stops. What a way to confuse the foreigners and annoy locals.

10. Trains that run on schedule. Is that so much to ask?